Wait, What? True Blood Episode Five

I’m getting somewhat disturbed by how rape and incest are emerging as two of the major themes of this season. Between Bill’s great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter citing the repeal of anti-incest laws to convince her distant ancestor to do her, and Jason’s turn as a literal stud for inbred teenagers, the ick factor keeps mounting. But the WTF-worthy moments of episode five (“Me and the Devil”) were even more ridiculous and awesome than usual. Here are my favorites:

“I found him by the dumpster.”
Awesome diversionary tactic: Tommy busting out from the back of the van as a bloody-mouthed gator. I’d bet a good amount of money Sheriff Andy needed a new pair of khakis after that one.

“Gators love marshmallows. You should know that.”
Another excellent Sam Merlotte line—and if you don’t believe him, ask Stephen Colbert.

“Hoyt.” “Jason.” “Hoyt.” “Jason.” “HOYT.”
I don’t really understand how a side effect of being used as a sexual chew toy by a clan of hillbilly werepanthers is having a hilariously homoerotic dream about your best friend and his vampire girlfriend. But apparently bloodsucking, albeit imagined, is now symbolic for wet dreams, as well as all those other heavy-handed metaphors that have been thrown around through the seasons. Still, yay! Godric!

A couple more things I wanted to mention: Tyra’s well-deserved angry speech to Sookie. Finally, finally, someone is calling her on her endless shit. Vampire priests—did I forget that in the True Blood universe, crosses don’t affect vamps? According to Bill, the Catholic Church = Google and Fox News. And finally, another eeeewwww: Arlene and Terry have satin sheets!

What did I miss?

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