So, episode two was actually pretty great. And the way it ended, with a shirtless Eric roaming the streets like a lost puppy with great pecs, I was looking forward to another fast-paced, suspenseful hour of camp. Instead, episode three was mostly…meh. The Plot Lines I Don’t Give a Shit About are tallying up fast, especially since so many of them are just spinning their wheels. (Seriously, please give Carrie Preston something to do besides furrow her brow at her potato-faced child and drawl, “That boy ain’t raight.”) Still, there was plenty of WTF-ery to go around. Here are my top three:
Vampire puns (which henceforth will be referred to as fang slang)
Okay, my love of puns is well documented, and any Bill/Jessica interaction is always welcome. But word play as terrible as the examples below, when delivered with utter deadpan seriousness, skip right over “so bad it’s funny” and land squarely in a steaming pile of “just so bad.”
Sookie: “Technically, you fang-raped me.”
Bill: “Jess….vamp up.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I can’t even.
Crystal’s pharmacology lesson
“It’s Mexican Viagra. Not that you need it.” Have truer words ever been spoken about Jason Stackhouse? Also, on an unrelated note, I can never look at Crystal without thinking of a line I once read in a book (which book, I can’t remember) about a “whey-faced woman.”
The legend of Ghost Daddy (or whatever)
Honestly, I can’t even tell you whether this deserves a spot in the top three WTF moments, because I am so bored with this plot line that I tuned out about 30 seconds in. At least now I have some built-in time every week to file my nails.
Overall a boring episode—but one redeemed more than slightly by the insanely fabulous spiked-shoulder jacket Pam wears in the Fangtasia basement scene. That thing no doubt costs more than a kidney and my first-born child combined, and yet I would happily trade both of those things to own it. (Are you listening, Black Marketers?)
So, which WTF-worthy moments did I miss?